I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
