I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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