if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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