roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
