I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
