I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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