Whod you bang
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
