I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
