Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
