Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
two words: eviction party
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
