dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
