piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
