Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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