Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
