we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
