All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
