Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
