i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I need to align my fucking chakras
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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