I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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