My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
