what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
