YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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