The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
