Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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