im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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