In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize