About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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