I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize