I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
