i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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