Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Randomize
