Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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