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I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Please don't give away my fajitas
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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