I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
