Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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