This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
