we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
