My nipple is on Facebook.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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