If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
