I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
