hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
