NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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