A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
