Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
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