Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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