There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
