Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
