I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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