I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
