Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
