I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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