Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
