i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Houston, we have a squirter
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
