Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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