I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
