I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
don't judge my taste in strippers
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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