My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
