TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
