after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
