When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
