i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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