im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
