the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
