Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
