my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
