Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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