Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
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Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
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Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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