just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
