You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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