dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
